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These Hacks Turn Household Items Into Functional Bongs And Makes Dad Angry

What’s up everybody! Have you ever been jonesin’ for a fat-ass bong rip, but haven’t a bong nearby because you’re visiting your parents upstate who don’t have any bongs? Well you’re in bong-luck! Here’s some normal everyday household items that you can totally use as functional bongs—while also absolutely enraging your dad! Bongs:

1. Tennis Ball Can

Your dad has been getting back into tennis recently, so he’s got a bunch of tennis ball cans lying around that are absolutely PERFECT for getting smacked off some bong weed. Pro tip: if it’s a new can, you can inhale the stagnant chemical air when you open the fresh balls. I’ve never done it but it’d probably do something.

2. A Valuable Vase

Sometimes, smoking weed can feel pretty low-brow. Doll up your bong sesh with your family’s most expensive vase! (The one your mom got in Venice in 2008. The blue one.) Fill that sucker with water, smash a hole in the side for the weed bowl slot, and toke up! Yum—tastes like history!

3. Your Dad’s Best Scotch Bottle, Emptied
So dad can get ripped off of his impressive collection of Scotch whiskey, but I can’t blast myself in the lungs with some gorgeous kush? Double standard, much? Dump out that gross bottle of Macallan scotch dad’s boss gave him before the recession and make that shit into a dope ass bong! He’ll be incensed but you’ll be stoned baby!

4. A Pineapple

Oh cool! There’s a pineapple on the counter. Probably not gonna be eaten, so you know the drill! (Smoke weed out of it). The note next to it that says “for Dad, do NOT eat” makes a perfect ashtray for the charred weed!

5. Baby Bottle With Formula For Bongwater

Your lame little infant cousin Liam (he doesn’t even smoke trees! WEAK!) is getting babysitted by mom tonight, and Aunt Mary packed a bunch of bottles of formula for the little narc. Which is a blessing in disguise—you can just use that milky stuff as bong water! Burn a hole in the side of the bottle, stuff your bowl in there, and smoke up all those essential vitamins and protein!

6. Your Dad’s Bong From College That He’ll Deny Until His Death

This one is the most convenient—and will also get your dad so livid you may not even recognize the guy. Rummage around in the attic near the High School yearbooks and old MAD Magazines to find the day-glo two foot bong that your dad used as an undergrad and go to town! When he comes up and finds you, he’ll be paralyzed by his cognitive dissonance on how to proceed long enough for you to bring that sucker downstairs and use it every time you come home! If he acknowledges it, he’s guilty!

Anyway, hope that helped. Worst comes to worst, you could just not smoke weed for the two hours you’re home for dinner. But that’s no fun!

Happy bonging!

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