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The Nintendo’s New Mini NES

Nintendo’s new Mini NES was released last week and sold out so quickly, there’s a good chance most of you reading don’t have one yet. But if you’re like this reporter, you still have a lot of unanswered questions about Nintendo’s retro machine. 

Do I have to let my idiot brother play it?
What do you recommend doing when I’m not home and my idiot brother sneaks into my room and tries to play my mini NES?
What’s the warranty like on this for when my idiot brother trips over the controller cord and rips it off the shelf?

I noticed the controller cord is only 2.5 feet ― that’s not very long. Will the cord detach or will it take the whole system with it when my idiot brother trips over the cord?

  • When my idiot brother gets angry and chucks it across the room because I destroyed him in Tecmo Bowl can I get replacement controllers ?
  • If the controller is secured in the controller port, will it swing back and hit me in the face when my idiot brother gets pissed off that I also dominated him in Excitebike and flings it at the wall?
  • Why is my brother such a big baby?
  • Will the NES Mini come with headphones? Not for while I’m playing, but rather to tune out the sound of my idiot brother cursing up a storm in the other room, because he can’t beat the Quick Man stage in Mega Man 2.

  • Will Nintendo have some deal to buy multiple systems, for when my parents end up buying us each one to avoid a blood bath between me and my idiot brother?
  • It looks like you can save at any point, which is great! How do I go into my idiot brother’s mini NES and erase his saves?
  • Is it possible you’ll be releasing a mini SNES or mini N64? There are a lot of games I want to crush my idiot brother in for those systems, too.
  • How do I find out if my idiot brother is adopted?
  • Do you think there’s a chance?
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