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I’m Not A Hero, I’m Just The Guy Who Is Opposite Of A Hero

Hey, look. I’m no hero, okay? I’m just a guy who is literally the exact polar opposite of a hero in every way imaginable.

A hero is a person who always tries their hardest. A hero is somebody who has the courage to stand up for what’s right, even when everybody else is telling them to sit back down. A hero is someone who treats other people with compassion and respect. I am not any of those things. Like, not at all. Not even close. I kind of suck a whole lot.

So, you can call me a hero if you want. But that would be really dumb. Why would you do that? Just to make fun of me? That’s kind of messed up. If you try to make fun of me I will hold a vicious grudge against you forever. Because that’s just the kind of guy I am.

You know who the real heroes are? The teachers, and the doctors, and the mothers, and the fathers, and tons of other people. A hero can be anyone. Except me, because, you know, let’s be honest here. The nicest thing I’ve done this month was hold a door open for someone. And when I did it, I gave her this look like, “Want to walk a little faster?” So I’m pretty sure that doesn’t even count.

Hypothetically, if I rushed into a burning building and saved some people, then I would be a hero. But guess what: I’ve never done that and I never will. Oh well.

At the end of the day, I guess a hero is just anybody who is honest with him or herself. Hey, wait a minute! That’s me, right now! Looks like I am a hero after all!

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